Editor’s note: For the purposes of this column, we are using the pejorative form of “Alec,” which is “Alex.” “Alec” is a pretentious butchering of the bold, strong and manly name “Alexander.” Any coward who kills someone while playing with a gun loses the right to pick the name by which he is called.
Serious question: If all Hispanics are tacos as first lady Jill Biden told us this week, what kind of taco is Alex Baldwin’s wife?
Whoever answered that “she just better hope she is a bullet-proof taco” should just shut up right now. That is in poor taste. So, more on that later.
“How do you say, cucumber taco?” wins the lottery.
For decades, Hillary Baldwin faked Hispanic ancestry in order to steal Hispanic virtue inside the hyper-racialized Democrat party of today’s hyper-politicized America.
Married to a millionaire television actor, “Hilaria” Baldwin claimed to be from Mallorca, Spain. She spoke with a fake Spanish accent — often about recipes for upscale Mexican food. Mrs. Baldwin took her scam all the way to the “Today” show, where she once claimed not only to be Hispanic but also to be some kind of cooking expert.
“We have very few ingredients,” she professed in her fake Spanish accent. “We have tomatoes, we have — umm — how do you say? In English? Cucumbers?”
It was an entirely forgettable segment — until Mr. Baldwin’s desperate housewife was exposed as a plain vanilla gringo. And an actual Yankee gringo at that. Pretentious and privileged of the worst sort. She works as a yoga instructor when she is not raising Mr. Baldwin’s children.
Instead of a brown town in Spain, “Hilaria” is from Bean Town.
She was born Hillary Hayward-Thomas to a hyphenated couple of extremely white parents in Boston. Her only claim to Hispanic heritage was that while growing up her family vacationed on the beaches of Spain. Because, really, that’s just what Hispanics in America do. And if you don’t, you are probably racist.
Or, as President Biden might put it, you are not a real taco.
But in the lie that is the Democrat Party, Mrs. Baldwin’s stolen race privilege was so successful that it extended to even her super-privileged husband, granting him such virtue that he was allowed to mock a Spanish accent on national network television.
“My wife is from Spain,” he assured David Letterman. “I don’t mean to be racist when I put that accent on.”
Mr. Letterman gap-tooth grinned through it all. Luckily for Mr. Letterman, that particular performance by Mr. Baldwin did not involve a gun.
It is kind of interesting that the Baldwins claimed “Hilaria” to be from Spain, rather than what these people view as the more down-market South or Central America. That is just what happens when people try to impress a party of privileged white people who always threaten to move to Canada — the whitest country in the Americas — when they don’t get their way politically. They never threaten to move to Mexico.
But after decades of wallowing in racist politics and sowing racial discord among American voters, the Democrat Party has finally been exposed. To put it in terms Mrs. Biden might understand, their cheese is leaking out of their tacos.
The Democrat Party is so committed to racial politics, that they even have a fancy name for it: “Identity Politics.” And the racist media dutifully gobbles up all their racist tripe.
A couple of recent elections and dramatic new polling, however, show that Hispanic voters are fleeing the Democrat Party faster than candy flying out of a pinata.
Turns out tacos don’t like paying $6 for a gallon of gasoline any more than Hillary Hayward-Thomas’ neighbors in Boston do. Nor do tacos like massive hikes in the cost of everything from lettuce to cheese to avocados.
Also — surprising only Democrats — tacos actually love their families and don’t want them to get mugged, raped or murdered. Oh, and they also believe that a country should have borders that are enforced.
The latest polling shows that college-educated whites are now the backbone of the Democrat Party. In other words, the party that once claimed to represent working-class Americans has become the official party of privileged whites.
We are talking about the kind of privileged whites who are born to rich white parents from Boston. Privileged whites who grow up to be yoga instructors and marry millionaires. Privileged whites who are so obsessed with skin color that they get one good beach tan in Spain and start babbling in Spanish and chopping up cucumbers on national television.
In other words, fake tacos.
Buenos noches, Senor Biden!
• Charles Hurt is the opinion editor at The Washington Times.